Dolor ut ipsum vitae
The title, Dolor ut ipsum vitae, translates to “pain as life itself.”
I’ve been pondering the thought this morning as I scrolled through Instagram and read a post about childhood trauma and those that have it. It got me thinking about my friends and family — not a single one of them don’t have some kind of childhood trauma — whether it’s abuse, or death of a loved one, a near fatal accident or sickness, what have you. Now, for a long time I’ve looked at trauma, especially that inflicted in childhood, as if it were an epidemic; but as I’m getting older, I see now that trauma in and of itself is just living.
No one can escape it; it’s inevitable. It’s nature. Every living creature on this earth will suffer from some kind of trauma, one way or another. This may be a controversial take, but it’s pointless to try avoiding it, though it is also our natural wiring to try. This is not to excuse, justify or condone any type of abuse, nor is this meant to trivialize trauma (childhood and otherwise) and its effects; this is simply a way we can reframe our perception of trauma as a whole. Yes, I am aware of the many different nuances and delicate nature of this subject, but my point remains.
Let me explain. I had an issue with the language of this post in particular, in which it framed childhood trauma in a way that was exclusive and isolating—i.e. “Trauma makes you feel disconnected from the rest of society who has not have [had] to go through unimaginable pain.” That is a direct quote from the post. I see this type of mindset often on social media and within the dialogue of my generation, otherwise I would’ve taken it with a grain of salt, as I normally do. But I don’t see this kind of language being addressed, and I think this is part of what contributes to perpetual victimhood and disconnection. While social media is not reality, it is somewhat of a gauge of contemporary social climate. And the latter part of that statement is simply not true.
We all go through unimaginable pain. In varying degrees perhaps, but nonetheless.
And that is the beautiful part. That is where we can really connect to each other (let us not conflate this with trauma bonding, please). Hear me out. While trauma and pain are horrific, and the ramifications often are much worse, they can also teach us how to empathize with each other in a deep way.
Trauma is and can be profoundly damaging, at times unbearable to live with, and left unaddressed, is the root cause of many, many issues. But we need to consider how we talk about this, too. I’m learning that, as I’m healing my body from decades worth of repressed pain and trauma, pain is the essence of what it means to be alive.
And on the other side of that, so is joy. So is pleasure.
My hot take is that it is more helpful to focus on those areas, not how exclusive our symptoms are. After all, exclusion is an antithesis of connection.
